38 posts tagged “life”
The purpose of Life....
To make a difference.
I heard that tonight and it got me thinking. Actually this has been a thought of mine for quite some time and plenty of days where it has left me quite frustrated. I guess its more because I am not working at the moment and my next career move is up in the air. I'm basically feeling pretty lost at the moment.
All I have heard all my life is we are here for a purpose. Looking back on my life, I can't see how that has come into play and maybe, just maybe it has yet to come.
``You do not have the right to end your life. It is not yours to end. Your life has a purpose. You have not yet done what you came here to do."
If that is the case, I have often wonder what my sisters purpose was. I mean she was 15 years old when she passed away. What could she have possibly done to make a difference? What was her purpose? I find it hard to believe for she didn't have a chance to really live life. Thoughts like these haunt me and only frustrate me more.
But for me. I have no special skills. I have no awesome career that is improving quality of life. How am I contributing? I don't even have just 'one' thing that I truly love. I just try to get through each day as best as I can and hope at the end of the day I learned something new, I lived it to the fullest.
But going back to the statement I started out with. Tonight, I thought on that a bit and although I might not have made a difference in our world, but maybe, I have made a difference in someones life. Maybe there is that one person I was meant to cross paths with or maybe even a handful. Maybe there was someone who needed me at that very moment and I have helped them out with whatever may have been going on in their lives. Maybe all they needed was my smile to turn their bad day upside down and in turn, I put a light in their step. Maybe my purpose in life is because someone just needed me.
We will never truly know what our purpose is, but I have come to realize that I just can't dwell on it anymore and drive myself crazy. Just living and being happy is all that matters.
When my sister died at the young age of fifteen, it hit me like a ton of bricks. No child should have to die at such a young age. They have yet to begin to live life and just like that, it was taken from her. It took me a very long time to move on. To live life without such immense pain and to this day, many many years later, my heart still aches for her. I still miss her like crazy and not a day goes by that I do not think about her.
Then my father passed away almost four years ago. The pain of his loss still fresh and I deal with it each and every day. The pain of losing ones father and ones sibling is very much different, but in the end they are the same. They are both no longer around.
One of life's lessons were learned from both of these tragedies. I have learned not to take people and things for granted. I have learned to try and live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is never promised to me. I show the people who mean the world to me my love. I opened my mind to new and different things each and every day and along the way, I have come across some interesting people and new ideas.
I have learned that it is ok to take risks in life. If I kept myself hiding in the shadows of a corner, I wouldn't have given myself the chance of becoming a Internet DJ. Trust me when I say, that was so unlike me. I had trouble standing in front of more than 4 people to speak and here I was, Dj'ing to hundreds of listeners. Of course, I find out, that really wasn't my thing but I gave it a try and it was something once upon a time ago I never would of.
I took a job that I had no skills to do but took that leap of faith and gave it all that I had and in turn, I walked away with new skills and skills that opened a whole new set of doors for me. If I had stood there, afraid to try something new, Id been stuck doing the same things year after year after year. But instead, I opened myself up, learned new things and met new people.
Life is just to damn short and there comes a time you just have to take it by the horns and move forward. There is no time to be afraid. Every so often you have to find your way out of your comfort zone and live. I give my thanks each and every day. I give my thanks for another day that was granted to me to learn new things, to love the people that I love and to hopefully have made a difference in someone's life. Even if it was to bring a smile and make someone's day just a bit more brighter.
The future is a uncertain time for us. We are all experiencing some hard times and myself included. Every day I worry but I try so hard not to let it get me down and hope that in the end every thing will work out. Tomorrow I may not have a roof over my head but gosh darn it, I have my family and my Josh and I am the richest person alive!
My day in a life with no job
So what do you do when you aren't working and all of a sudden you have tons of time on your hands? Let me share a typical day in my life.
1. I wake up whenever I wake up. Horray for no alarm clock! Ever since my school days, that is one sound I can not stand! I'm use to getting up at 5:30 every morning, but now that I don't have to, I find myself rolling out of bed at 8 am. Not to bad. Not like I am sleeping the day away.
2. I usually need a good hour to wake up. I will grab something to drink. It's usally a glass of Ice tea I always have made in the fridge and maybe a cup of coffee. Guess it depends on what kind of mood I am in. I am not one of those people who need coffee to wake up.
3. By this time I am sending off a good morning message to Josh to his cellphone. Thank god for text messages!
4. After waking up, I get dressed for the day. Oh sureee, I can lounge around in PJ's but never know who is going to stop by or if I have to run off to somewhere quick, so I get dressed as if I was still going to work..Just later in the day.
5. If I have nothing to do for the day, I will sit at my computer for a while....looking to see what jobs are available out there...checking emails, facebook, etc. If I am really bored, I just might hop into World of Warcraft and play for a bit. Nothing exciting.
6. Housecleaning. It use to be a every Sunday chore. Catch up for the week that just passed...doing up the laundry for the new week ahead. But seeing how I have all this extra time, I'm cleaning things that are already cleaned!
7. -yawns- Ohhhh its nap time! Now, I have to say I love my naps. I can climb into my bed, watch a little bit of TV and fall asleep quick. It usually ends up being a 2 hour nap but that is ok. I wake up refreshed (accept these last few days....I pulled a muscle in my lower back so sitting, standing or even laying down has made me miserable =( )
8. Back to my computer. Chat it up a bit more with Josh if he isn't to busy at work.
9. Get dinner going (taco's anyone?)
10. Josh is home! Now the rest of my evening is spent with him till its time to call it a night.
and it all starts over again the next day......man, I need something to do with all this extra time on my hands LOL
Well...tomorrow will be a week since we switched over to the new system and I have to say, I pretty much got the hang of it. I still need to be waving my big yellow help sign every so often but its becoming less and less and thats a nice feeling.
The only thing that is frustrating, is what was once second nature in how things are handled outside the program, are new and different ways and having to figure out what to do next to take care of a issue. But like the old, the new will become second nature as well. I do have to say, I can not wait for my weekend off. It is well deserved! Besides..its pay day and I got a nice fat check coming. Got to love commission checks! LOL
Was playing with my camera tonight....a few pics of your favorite Nik!
Since she was born in December of last year, I have been watching her grow through a website and have been reading and researching more on Polar Bears since then. With global warming knocking on our door step, the polar bears are in trouble and I find that very very sad and upsetting.
I was just telling Josh I wish there was more I can do but then, it all starts at home and that is what I have been doing for the past 5 months or so. But I know I alone, can not save them but it does start with one person.
I was reading today, more on Global Warming and the effect it is taking on us and how it will effect our future and I couldn't help but feel grim. It isn't a pretty picture for sure.
But I do know I will do my part. One step at a time. To do what I can to make a better world for tomorrow.
"Flocke (snowflake) must not melt". She won't. But the snow and the pack ice of the Arctic will melt, unless we take the earth's climate more into account and start living and working in a more sustainable way . Little Flocke can be an ambassador for her fellow polar bears in the extreme northern regions who will not be able to survive without pack ice.
What can each of us do for the protection of polar bears and of our climate?
1. Make donations to polar bear projects run locally by scientists and conservationists.
Nature organisations and organisations protecting endangered species support research on polar bears and the introduction of reservations. What protects polar bears will also help other wildlife and plants in the Arctic.
2. When shopping, look out for certificates of compliance with climate standards.
When shopping for many consumer goods (such as vegetables, fish, coffee, clothing, timber, electric appliances and more) we now have a choice between conventionally produced goods and those which comply with specific environmental, climatic, and social standards.
3. Lead a "climate-aware" life
However, changing your shopping habits won't be enough. Our life style should also become sustainable. In our homes and on our travels, even in our eating habits and when investing money – we can look out for ecological standards. But don't worry: the modern answer to the challenge of climate change is not an ascetic life style. The key word is "compensation". If you like to drive your sports car, you can adjust your life style elsewhere to make up for increased CO2 output.
Earlier tonight I got to chatting with a friend and listening to the new exciting news of her life. The girl is madly in love with someone and I couldn't be happier for her. There's nothing more exciting than new love. All the excitement, the thrills, the feelings just flying about. How its just you two and no one else in the world matters. You know how it goes. We all have gone through it.
Then life happens. Life gets real and things change. Been there, done that and with the last 2 relationships I have had, I don't miss very much of it at all. Guess you wouldn't when they weren't the right ones for you. There is a few things I miss about a relationship though and my friend opened that gate up for me tonight and got me thinking about it.
I miss someone being completely out of their mind for me. I know crazy huh? But it tells me that I do matter to them...That I am important and when they show they want to spend every moment with me. Its the little things that I miss the most. The little things are the things that mean the most to me. I'm not a high maintence woman....more of a simple one and it doesn't take much to make me happy. As my friend is going on and on, I am shaking my head, agreeing with her! When I look back on past relationships, I'm not remembering the huge moments but the little things...
A couple days ago I go into work to find a single yellow carnation on my desk. I have no idea where it came from..whom it came from and I didn't see anyone else with a carnation on their desk. I am completely clueless. But you know....that simple act made my day. It could have been from anyone..but its the simple thought, such a little thing, that matters to me.
If we all look for the little things in life, I'm sure we would all be much happier people......
Of course, I can't leave you without a picture of Brianna!
Lmaooooooo
Well....this morning at 10:45 am, Jenn had Brianna and its been a happy happy happy day! I can beginnnn to tell you how happy and excited and relieved I am. She is sooooo adorable and shes got the family nose!
Poor thing.
She weighs 8 lbs, 8 oz and 19 inches long.
Meet Brianna!
The Mom!
The day started out like every other day. I shut my alarm off for the last time at 7 am. I don't have any more time for the snooze button I love so much so I have to drag myself out of bed. As I am waking up, I am reading my emails, watching the morning news and waiting for 7:30 so I can jump in my morning shower and begin my day. My morning ritual during a work week.
Its a beautiful morning out, so a little after 8, I decided ok...I'm going to go and take the bus this morning. About the only exercise I get any more with having a 9 hr job of sitting on my butt every day so if weather is permittable, I will walk the 3 blocks to catch the bus. I've been doing this for a little over a month now and have been feeling great. Its not much, but its more than what I have been doing.
I stand up to get ready to leave and all of a sudden I get this sharp pain in my heart. It came upon me so hard and so fast, it pretty much knocked me back in my chair. What the hell was that??? I ask myself. I start to take some deep breaths, hoping that will help it pass and my chest begins to get really tight and sharp pains shotting across my chest. It felt like I was having a gallbladder attack, except I no longer have one. But it was the same kind of feeling and then I started to get really nauseated.
After 5 mins, nothing was changing. Ok....something isn't right here.
I quickly call my mom at work and tell her what was up. I hang up, call 911 and then my job. I am not coming in. It wasn't till I was sitting there, waiting, that the panic started to hit me and my breathing was getting out of control.
My father died of a heart attack. My grandfather died of a heart attack. My dad was only 55..a unhealthy 55 yr old and altho I am much healthier then he is, heart disease does run in my family and I know myself I can be leading a much healthier life style than I am now. So you can just imagine all the thoughts racing through my mind. I am sitting there alone and just wanted my mother -nods-
I won't bore you with the details of when the Evac got there...only the stuff that they sprayed under my tongue gave me a instant headache that even till this afternoon I have. I want to say it was Nitrol something. Something for heart patients. I know my dad use to have to take them.
So there I lay in a bed in the ER for 8 hrs. Being poked, pricked, prodded...xrays, stress test, a breathing treatment because I am still weezing from being sick 2 weeks. I am stuck in this tube for pictures of my heart...shoved a bunch of pills down my throat...God only knows what they were and with all that mixtured, I'm surprised I am still alive! I think I seen 3 different doctors and 15 different nurses and all I wanted was them to shut the lights off and leave me be so I can baby this horrible headache that they caused.
Within a hour and a half of being there, the pain was gone. But my chest was still tight and I was very uncomfortable. My blood pressure was a little high but for the most part, I was in stable condition. It would be about 4 hrs later that I started to burp. Once I continued, the tightness started to ease.
Gas? I believe thats all it was. But even now, I don't even know what had happened or what caused it in the first place. My doctor ordered additional tests for this morning, so again, I was pricked, probed and vials and vials of blood removed from me. All I know is that the doctor saw something there he was a little concerned about but I won't know for a few days yet. The one good news is though is I don't have high blood pressure. I'm close to borderline but been at that for years now. Thats somewhat of a relief seeing how it does run in my family. But I praise myself because my habits have been different from my fathers and I don't eat the things he did and I moved where he didn't.
I might of jumped the gun, but when it comes to the heart, I know its nothing to play around with. It was better to be safe then sorry. There have been times that my dad had mini heart attacks that he ignored and all it did was weaken his heart even more. The last time, being the day he died. He had one but did nothing about it for another hour when he went into cardiac arrest that cost him his life. I won't make the same mistake.
But I will keep you posted of what it was if it was anything. I have the same heart doctor my dad did and I do know he is good. But I also know I will be following the advice he gave me where as my dad chose to ignore him.....
Its been about 2 months since we have been able to speak with Miles. We have received 2 letters just in the last 2 weeks and haven't been able to go see him while they were holding him in Orlando. It hasn't been all that fun and you can just imagine the stress my mom has been going through. I mean, no matter what, he will always be her baby and she will always worry.
But he has finally called today and considering, he is doing alright. It was just a relief to hear that. I'm not sure what has gone on between him and Jenn but it must not have been good. First thing he said to us was he doesn't want to talk about her, he doesn't want to see her, etc. Hmm..do I hear Drama playing in the air?? Only thing he says is he hopes she will let us bring his daughter to see him when she gets a bit older. Hard to say whats going to happen there. We don't even know whats going to happen with us either!
The earliest he is looking to get out is sometime in April 2010., latest Sept of the same year. Seems like such a long time but in reality, it isn't and he got lucky once again. They wanted to give him 4 yrs. The only good thing about the whole thing is, when he gets out, he has no probation. We shall see what happens then -sighs-
Speaking of Jen....I guess she went into false labor this past Sat. We didn't hear about it till late Sunday night. She's due any day now so theres excitement in the air...I sooooo Can't wait.
Jobs going good. I am still there so that is something LOL It can be stressful somedays and so many changes every day...so many, makes my head reel pretty fast sometimes. With the way the economy is going, all these changes are going into effect and the pressure can be hard some days. Butttttt...you got to do what you got to do right??
But thats the latest news. Hopefully next time I will have pictures of Brianna Maria to show off (if she hasn't changed her mind again!)
Theres a man in her life. A man other than my father and something I never really gave much thought too. I'm not quite sure how I am feeling about the whole thing. I mean, I want my mother to be happy and its been great that there has been a reason to put a spring in her step, a smile on her face and she hasn't been so down. We all deserve to be happy and I am all for her to be as happy as she can. Shes my mom....I love her.
But another man other than my father? How do I feel about that? I guess a part of me feels there shouldn't be another unless IT is my father but well....that is just wishful thinking now. No way that can happen. For well over 30 yrs it has been my parents. If they do hook up, it will seem weird at first and something to get use too but shoot....go for it mom!
As long as she finds someone that will treat her good and how she deserves to be treated, then I am all for it. My mom is a great woman and she deserves the best. Some man will be lucky to have her in his life. She's scared shitless though. For the most part, my father has been the only man in her life. I think part of her is finding it hard to want to be with another as well. Time will tell though. In the mean time, I will enjoy her chatterings of the going ons at work and the new guy in her life......
