7 posts tagged “love”

When my sister died at the young age of fifteen, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  No child should have to die at such a young age.  They have yet to begin to live life and just like that, it was taken from her.  It took me a very long time to move on.  To live life without such immense pain and to this day, many many years later, my heart still aches for her.  I still miss her like crazy and not a day goes by that I do not think about her.

Then my father passed away almost four years ago.  The pain of his loss still fresh and I deal with it each and every day.  The pain of losing ones father and ones sibling is very much different, but in the end they are the same.  They are both no longer around.

One of life's lessons were learned from both of these tragedies.  I have learned not to take people and things for granted.  I have learned to try and live each day to the fullest because tomorrow is never promised to me.  I show the people who mean the world to me my love.  I opened my mind to new and different things each and every day and along the way, I have come across some interesting people and new ideas. 

I have learned that it is ok to take risks in life.  If I kept myself hiding in the shadows of a corner, I wouldn't have given myself the chance of becoming a Internet DJ.  Trust me when I say, that was so unlike me.  I had trouble standing in front of more than 4 people to speak and here I was,  Dj'ing to hundreds of listeners.  Of course, I find out, that really wasn't my thing but I gave it a try and it was something once upon a time ago I never would of.

I took a job that I had no skills to do but took that leap of faith and gave it all that I had and in turn, I walked away with new skills and skills that opened a whole new set of doors for me.  If I had stood there, afraid to try something new, Id been stuck doing the same things year after year after year.  But instead, I opened myself up, learned new things and met new people.

Life is just to damn short and there comes a time you just have to take it by the horns and move forward.  There is no time to be afraid.  Every so often you have to find your way out of your comfort zone and live.  I give my thanks each and every day.  I give my thanks for another day that was granted to me to learn new things, to love the people that I love and to hopefully have made a difference in someone's life.  Even if it was to bring a smile and make someone's day just a bit more brighter.

The future is a uncertain time for us.  We are all experiencing some hard times and myself included.  Every day I worry but I try so hard not to let it get me down and hope that in the end every thing will work out.  Tomorrow I may not have a roof over my head but gosh darn it, I have my family and my Josh and I am the richest person alive!

IMMORTAL BELOVED by

A friend I just recently hooked up with directed me to this guys Love letters to his Love and although I was at first not all that excited to check out, I finally opened the link to give it a look.  It was interesting, it was sad, it was loving and I was relating.  But you have to check out it out yourself here.

I so did love this part from his third letter and the tears were quick to come. 

My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Love.  Can be such a beautiful thing but sad at the same time -sighs-

What do you wish you had more of in life?

If i'm going to be honest here, it would have to be more romance in my life.  Sure, money would be nice but I'm not in the poor house and have managed pretty well with what I have.  I do miss the romance.  I'm not talking about flowers and candy and what a guy can buy for me, but that feeling of being number one in his life and the little things he does to say "hey....you are my life, I love you!" 

I have found over the years, it has pretty much been a 1 sided deal for me.  I don't think I ask for much but it seems like I am asking for the world.  I tend to give to much and not get much in return. 

My grandmother once told me, "Nikky....Whatever you do, never settle for second best.  Settle for the one who gives you complete happiness.  Settle with one that after being with him for 50 yrs, you two will still look into each others eyes and see the love you have for one another and you can still talk"

A pretty tall order if you ask me but she is right though....I do deserve the best

I started a book today and I haven't laughed out loud from reading in a very long time like I have today  Its called Fools Rush in by Kristan Higgins.

Here's one of the first pieces that had me giggling...

In order to attract the attention of a man who embodied physical perfection, I knew I had to make the most of what I had.  While I didn't imagine that I could become a swan, I was determined to become at least, oh, I don't know, a Canada goose?  They're nice, right?   Nothing wrong with a Canada goose.

Right from the beginning I could so relate to the female character in this story and from page one, I was hooked and I found myself nodding my head at more than one parts.

I'm a stalker.  The good kind....

One of the first things we always say after being hurt by the one we love is Never Again!  I've said those words myself a few times and each time I swore I would live by them.  Why would I want to put myself through another heartache?  For a while you do fine...who needs love!

Then out of the blue, it happens again.  Those feelings start to arise and as much as you try to push them back..its just not happening and you give in.  "Maybe this one will be the one!" you mutter to yourself and you take it and you go for it.  

I've loved and I have lost.  Its just the way it goes for me as it goes for others.  As much as I want to never love again, I just don't have it in me to not love and so I continue to get hurt over and over.  

But to answer the question, I'd rather love and lost then not to love at all.  Even for a while..to love and have love in return is the most beautiful emotion to experience and I am not ready to give up completely.  For each heartache you go through, you walk away with a lesson you have learned and isn't that what life is all about?  For each new relationship I go into, I take in with me something that makes me a better friend, companion, and lover.

I came across a blog post from another site and after asking for permission to repost, I had to share it.  This is so true and something I agree with 100%  Like the author, I too can only hope I will someday find love like this as well.....

I Still Know Who She Is
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while ! as she is a victim of Alzheimer's disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

It's hard to believe that it will be 2 years next month since my father passed away.  You have to wonder where all the time went and look back on all the changes that have happened in my life.  There has been some bumps down the road but for the most part, I think my family has managed pretty well.  

For as long as I can remember, once I hit my teen years, my father and I had a love/hate relationship.  It's not that we hated each other but we were so much alike that we tended to butt heads quite a lot.  I hate fighting with a passion.  I hate screaming matches, and feeling so frustrated, you just want to stand there and scream so loud your head explodes.  He tended to bring the worse out in me.  He was the type to hear only what he wanted to hear, even when you were standing there and trying to explain whatever it was you were explaining.  He would never listen and that always left me frustrated.

When we were getting along, things were great!  We enjoyed a lot of the same things, had things in common.  We would talk for hours, have movie dates and just having a good time.  Times like that, it was peaceful in the household and everyone around us was happy lol

But thinking back, I don't really remember many memories with my father when I was younger.  I do have one memory that I has always been special to me, but only because it really was so unlike my father. Or I should say, I don't think he was ever like that again.

My sister and I were really young. I believe I was 5 and she was 3 and my parents were on a trial seperation and we had been staying at a Aunts house.  My father had came to pick us up for the evening and I remember him cooking us dinner.  After dinner, he had us sitting on his lap and he was reading us some fairytales from this huge book that we had.

That may be a simple memory and it will mean nothing to anyone else, but when it came to affection, he just didn't have it.  I don't remember ever sitting on his lap anytime after that.  Ever.  For him to utter the words I love you, was like pulling teeth and I rarely heard that from him.  I believe the last time I heard those words from him was when my sister died some 15 yrs ago, when he grabbed me, crying and telling me he loved me.  Even then, those words shocked me and I didn't quite know how to handle the situation.  Sad isn't it?

The day before he passed away, him and I got in this huge fight early on in the day over something really stupid.  It left us both really mad, that for the rest of the day, we avoided each other and utter not a word.  I remember getting up the next morning, feeling odd, knowing that I had to face him because I knew he would be up when I went to get ready for work.  It was like nothing every happened!  He said something silly as a good morning and we sat there for a good hour, talking and laughing it up before I headed off to work.

I am so thankful for that because a hour later, he passed away.